How long has it been since a new Drake meme?

Monday, 04 December 2017, 01:18:03 AM. This is what he meant when he said we’d thank him later

Drake went to a Toronto Raptors game last night at the Air Canada Centre, wore a brown hoodie, and drank a can of pink grapefruit Perrier. I absolutely can’t think of anything less interesting. Can you?

Ah, but Drake knows how to make up for boring circumstances by acting like a total spaz for no reason. Thank goodness. The newest Drake meme is a short video, posted to Instagram by the Raptors’ social media manager, of Drake pouring his Perrier into a cup. Something about the process is distressing to him, and he panics, then calms himself down a little bit, then panics again, then freaks way out, then puts the can down on the floor, then half-grins, then settles into his resting facial expression, which is “sheepish.” I’m guessing he picks the can up and throws it in a trash can on his way out, so his panic is not about being caught littering. In fact, it doesn’t matter what the panic is about. All that matters is that this clip is so nice and funny and low-stakes and you can watch it over and over and repost it and caption it with whatever you want. Please don’t choose anything topical!

When you get called to the principals office... @champagnepapi | #WeTheNorth

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“Why does it feel like it’s been 37 years since we had a Drake meme?” my co-worker Lizzie Plaugic asked in Slack. “Feels like a different life,” she sighed (I imagine).

She’s right. Without looking it up, when do you think the “Hotline Bling” video and its 1 million spinoff tweets, parody videos, and blog posts came out? When did Drake learn Photoshop specifically so he could put a tiny Drake on Rihanna’s shoulder and delight me? When did you first see this GIF?

I guessed “1974.” But in May 2016, on this website, I wrote and published the headline “Drake's SNL monologue about not wanting to be a meme is the all-time biggest lie in American history,” which, oh wow. Oh my goodness. At the time, I could not possibly have imagined all that was to come, but still, I’m embarrassed.

It’s been so long, and the internet has been so bad. We used to argue about Drake sometimes — about whether his latest album was kind of lazy or “called a playlist for no reason” — and now I can’t believe we were so ungrateful. All anybody wants in this life is to look at a warm, familiar face doing something stupid and laugh a little and not feel bad inside. Because he is incredibly famous, Drake can create that experience that for millions of people at the same time, at little cost. Thank you, Drake.

As I was writing this post, Kelly Ripa informed me and my cat Ghost, “Thursday is the new Friday!” So, in that case, I feel comfortable suggesting that you take about 45 minutes off from whatever you’re trying to accomplish this morning and revisit your favorite Drake memes from a previous life.

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